It sucks

when your bullshit catches up with you.

I don't feel sorry for you.

It's my birthday month! Hurray!

A couple of things. Today, I called my sister a douche bag, because it was funny. Then she asked where her shoes were. And my response was "Douche-ville because that's the last place you were!"
And then I laughed for like 20 minutes because of how cleaver I was. :)

I enjoy my life.

I literally just stayed up until 3:30 AM to finish reading a book. And also, the soft pitter patter of rain is really calming. :)
AND the book was awesome.
Despite people saying the movie was better than the book. But I don't like the movie inventing an entire war in order for it to carry the characters along...
But at the same time, the whole Wales thing was a bit unusual. . . but, whateves.
I enjoyed the book just as much as the movie. But watch the movie first and then read the book second.
They are both a new favorite of mine.
Oh yeah,
The book is Howl's Moving Castle.

Why Do I Listen to the Radio so Much?

I listen to radio programs more than I listen to music on the radio.

People have been telling me that it's weird I listen to the radio so much. They ask me why and I just kind of shrug and say I enjoy it. I have no real solid answers. Then I listened to this short podcast of radio lab today. It's from 2009, but it still proves my point.

Here is a short of Radio Lab hosted by Jad Abumrad and Robert Krulwich doing a sort of debate of TV and Radio. They also have Ira Glass, host of This American Life, host this little event of theirs.

It made me especially happy because it's my 3 favorite radio hosts rolled into one 25 minute short. Give it a listen. And you'll also get some insight into my psyche.

I shouldn't be blogging...

however, it takes less effort to blog than it does to get ready right now. I have to get myself up at the ass crack of dawn. And I played a show last night. And it's parents weekend. I hope I get off early, 3 and 1/2 hours of sleep is not a whole lot to go to work on...

Final Show.

Tonight was my final show with Off the Cuff Comedy Improv.

It was awesome.

I was playing the game Chairs, and my partner for the game was Wade. We had 3 great scenes together. At the begging of the third scene I was walking on stage and I heard an audience member say all excited "Yes! These two are hilarious!"

Thanks to Wade Arvey for being such an awesome scene partner!

:)

Fun fun FUN night! Loved every minute of it!

Crochet!

Guess who taught herself how to crochet?

This gal!

Yeah. I feel like an old person.

But whateves. I put love into my homemade items.

Also, I am so so so SO excited to move and to be free from my job and this small town and all the constraints it brings. However, I also am very thankful to my job and this small town where I learned a lot about myself. That was a cool part of my life.

And the people here are great too. I love them. Or I love the people I surround myself with. They are great.

Something weird happened to me. But it's come to my attention recently that people actually read this, and I don't want the person(s) involved with the weird thing to think that I think that they are weirdos....

Anyway. I actually am going to go crochet now. And be a old person.

Moving Day

October 1!

Yay!

Something in the introduction of this weeks show reminded me of my sister, the physics major, Charla. Here's to you, Charla.

A letter from a sister.

My younger sister Hannah and I wrote a song tonight.

The lyrics come from an actual letter that I wrote her this month.

Tonight, she started to play some chords, and I just started singing.

It turned out fun. It's short, but we had a good time putting it to music.

She is new to playing the guitar. I was impressed her ability to pick up a musical instrument and just start playing.

If there is a recording of it. It will go here.

Family Fun For Everyone!

I'm so excited to go up to Ogden tomorrow.

My sister Jessica asked if we could do something Friday night. I am very excited.
I can't wait to tell my family all my plans for Chicago.

It's going to be awesome.

I am really happy to see my family. They all seem equally excited to see me.

I can't wait. :)

I like talking to my roommates.

I could probably talk to them all day. We have long, interesting and intellectual conversations about anything that is important to us. It's fun to sit and laugh so hard at something ridiculous that one of said, and it's also fun to sit and talk about real issues that are going on in the world today, that maybe our actions can change.

2 hours ago, we all went to bed. I got up to go to the bathroom, and I saw Anna sitting at the table. I joined her, intending only to sit for a minute, but I sat for 2 hours. It's one of my favorite feelings in the world.

I still am a little confused about the fact that Anna and I will be parting ways probably just as quickly as we met.

It's weird to stop and think about the way people travel in and out of our lives. Some of them could make some profound differences, others the ruffle our feathers.

As a non sequitur, I really think hummingbirds are my favorite.

I see them all the time. Fluttering around in any direction they please, bringing a lot of joy with them which ever way they may go. I actually have been thinking about getting a hummingbird as a tattoo. Just a small one, nothing too big. Colored. Not black. I'm not a fan of the big bulky tattoos.

But I will think about it. Just like I have with several other tattoos. I eventually decided not to get them, but I really REALLY like the idea of this one. We'll have to see.

I'm going to listen to some sweet tunes and fall asleep.

Nope. Just kidding. I just realized, I forgot to send in my mentoring notes. I need to do that before bed time.

I still can't believe that JUST happened

Let my give you two bits of information and see if you can put this tale together yourself.

1.The improv troupe that I am part of holds a free workshop every Friday at 4 for everyone to come in and learn the trade. I always go. It's where I started, and it's where I will continue to learn for the time being.

People come and go. I never pay much attention. But, this girl shows up late the very first week I am back in Cedar City. Not a big deal, I was a bit late too. But I slid in quietly.

She was wearing a tail. Weird. But so is everyone to a degree.

She was loud. Ugh.

She halted the warm up to a stop by criticizing her friend... Ok... maybe she doesn't know better...but she's starting to bother me.

After we warm up, while our teacher is trying to convey a message about what we would be doing, she keeps talking and giggling throughout what he was saying. Then would say THE MOST stupid things in the world because she wasn't listening.

She gets up, does a scene and it mostly fails. My friend Nate carried her the entire way through. It was hard to watch.
But then she starts talking like she is god. Like she runs the show. And like she has years of experience. It was getting really annoying.

Everyone was super annoyed.

An hour and a half later, I could not be there in the same room with her.

Anyway, it's hard for me to say I hate anyone, but I have an extreme dislike for her.

2. My room is for rent. Literally my room. I was looking to share it with another person, and they'd sleep here... in my room with me.

Ok. You've got all the information you need.

Tell me what you think happened.

The winner gets a prize!

GO!

The last few days

have been super rough.

I can't remember the last time I stayed up until 5 am having such intense anxiety that I couldn't even breathe. Actually, I remember. It was back when I had the 60 year old woman as my roommate. And she was like constantly throwing bad joojoo my way... and she had those damn chihuahuas... Yeah. That was over a year ago.

So it felt out of place.

It wasn't right.

I thought I was done with those anxiety attacks.

I've wanted to smoke these last few days.

Cigarettes.

Weird, right?

I've never smoked. In my whole life.

Why do I suddenly want to do that?

But it seems like it'd calm me down.

I don't know. That sounds ridiculous.

They would probably make like 50 more times anxious than I already am.

but anyway.

I can't stand these feelings.

They are not helping me. Today, I was so mad, that I realized these feelings have to stop. These stupid thoughts in my head are done. That's it. I fired them. They can't live in my head. They are no more.

Shit

I just came to this horrible realization.

I have to get out of Utah.

Nothing New

I never get any new emails, text messages, or facebook notifications.

I would just like to chat with people for the sake of chatting.

Mystery Noise

My laptop was making this strange noise recently. Whenever I would tilt my laptop forward, or backward it sounded as if something on the inside broke loose and was sliding. It concerned me at first, then I discovered that everything was functioning properly, so I figured it'd be fine.

I didn't know what was causing it. That's what bothered me the most. there wasn't an answer to what was causing this noise, and I sure they hell was not about to take my lap top apart and ruin it in the process.

But just now, I was watching a little program on my laptop and there is there little drive of some sort on the side of my laptop (which if you've ever seen my lap it looks like it's straight from the 90's)

I, being bored with this program pushed down the flap and looked inside. Something goldish in there! I strategically put a bobby pin in to hold down the flap, and then tilted my laptop to the side. The edge of this mystery object came out. I slid it out, only to find a gold button. Like I button for a coat, or something.

Now, what is going to bother me is the mystery of how the hell this button got inside my laptop.

Bryce Canyon National Park

I lost the battery charger for my camera. So, all I have are a couple of pictures from my camera phone. It was probably better that way, so I could spend more time experiencing nature instead of trying to photograph it.

This was one of the most vibrant rainbows I've ever seen. And I could see it go so far down into the canyon. A long time ago, in church I think, they talked about how rainbows are complete circles. Along the way of life, I forgot. But being able to see 3/4 of the rainbow circle, I was able to remember.

It was fantastic.

The Natural Bridge. At the look out right before this one, a German man was photographing my license plate. He said "Sehr cool." And I said "Danke." His face lit up as when I spoke a bit of his language. He looked like he wanted to say more, but I was getting in my car and I waved a bit and said "Tchus" It looked like he said the same as I shut my door.

I had an interesting experience on this trail. As I'd pass people, or people would pass me, I'd pick up bits of their conversation. But when I started stringing together what they were saying, it felt like each of them had something they needed to share with me.
About 20 minutes before I came into this little slot type canyon I heard a woman say "You could take a picture around every corner." 5 minutes down the path I heard a man say "Pictures don't do this place justice" and then to end this line of conversation strangers were having with me one sentence at a time a woman said "You're experiencing nature. Nature is not static. That is why you can't capture it on film, or in drawings. You have to live it."

The switchback await me.

They were harder than they looked too.

I have a friend who thinks my hair is perfect, and that I am one of those girls who wakes up the morning after sex looking just as beautiful and sexy as I did when I went to sleep, with my hair in place and my make will not be smudged.

Well, I'm not wearing make up, but my hair speaks for itself.

To put people at ease, when I awoke, I sent them a picture message of myself. Showing that I was alive and well and I wasn't eaten by bears, struck by lightening, or tied up in someone's trunk. In fact, the only "bad" thing that happened was I stubbed my toe on the way to my car to find the flash light I had forgotten in there.

I kept a pretty good personal journal of my thoughts feelings and emotions while I was at Bryce.

The stars there are so beautiful.

If only I could find some words to express a small portion of my experience of gazing at the stars, I would be pleased.

Dear Guy I Like,

I have a crush on you.

I wish I could tell you.

I think you're attractive.

I think you're funny.

I want to talk with you about frivolous things.

When you cross my mind, I smile.

Do I ever cross your mind?

I hope so.

Love,

Lizzy

I cry in public.

It's true.
I cry a lot.

And sometimes, I'm too busy, and I have to cry, and I just happen to be in public.

Just so you know it's okay to look at me when I cry.

It's totally fine to acknowledge me as another human.

I'm experiencing my emotions is all.

I don't have a disease. I promise.

Love,

Lizzy

Stolen Blackberries are Delicious

Today, I had a heavier training about work.

In not so many words, we were learning about people who cut, why they cut, and how to help.

It was important, but not exactly a spirit lifter.

During the meeting, I sent my friend Chris Bodily a text message. We went and grabbed a drink at Starbucks. I told him of my experience learning an introduction to clowning, and mime. I told him all my improv seems to suck right now. He related. He told stories of similar experiences. It's good to feel like you're not alone in silly little mistakes you make. It was good to see him. I love Cedar City. I love the people here. It will be hard to move. However, I think I've out grown Cedar. Chris agreed.

When I got home my roommate was picking blackberries from a bush next door. I thought people live there. She doesn't think people live there. I have a small hope that people live there, because if they do, we stole their blackberries. And they taste better when I think they are stolen.

I made a simple pasta dish for dinner. The sauce was olive oil, garlic and Italian herbs. Way better than I thought it would be. Yum.

Well, today is a little better.

Before during and after my 24 hour shift, I felt like I was going through one of my emotional funks. I woke up on Sunday morning from an unusual dream.

I was working, and I was on a break and in Des's office, just chatting about the many stresses of the job. In a moment, Des had to leave, and I sat down behind her desk, and a woman came in. In a whirl she told me she could see through the smiling mask I wear, and can see the deep sadness in my heart. This strange woman approached me and touched softly the side of my face, it was the kind of touch a mother might have given a young child, then she covered my eyes. See, I couldn't tell if she was actually speaking or if her voice was echoing inside my mind. See what it would have been if it wasn't for you. A flash went in front of my closed eyes. I saw something.

I startled awake. I exhaled. Recalling my dream, I smiled. I felt like I had made a difference, I felt important. There was a brief moment where I thought that my existence had meaning. I thought I was something. Then, I tried to recall the vision I had seen, and I vaguely recall something about a boy... then there was nothing. As quickly as the good feeling came as I awoke, it left. I saw nothing. There was nothing. Nothing would be different without me. It was just a dream. I am just a speck on a map. I am just 1 person out of 6.8 Billion people. I am not unique. I'm low in the pecking order at that, in many aspects of my life.

24 Hours of MSPA

For those of you who don't know. I work at a boarding school for "troubled" youth. For a long time, I would work swing shift during the weekdays and continue to go to school. Here and there I'd pick up a weekend shift, rarely would I work a morning or grave, but it would happen. Recently, there has been a lot of changes, where team leaders have left, or gotten promoted, or staff have moved on and gotten better jobs. Things have changed and I've stepped in on the weekends. I usually will work a double on Saturday followed by a double on Sunday 8 AM to 12 AM. Since I got back from Chicago, my schedule hasn't been the same, as much as I wanted it to be. I am now scheduled morning shift on Sunday, and that is about it.

The grave staff asked me to pick up a couple of shifts, one 12 AM to 8 AM on 8/1/10 and the other 12 AM to 8 AM on 8/2/10. Because I was already working from 8 AM to 4 PM on the first, I declined the first shift, but took the other one. I was planning on Sunday to go home sleep from 4 to 10 and go back to work at midnight. Then I got a phone call asking me if I could stick around, because they were short staffed. I laughed, then realized, I really needed the hours. So I said yes. So, I worked morning shift. From 8 to 4, immediately followed by swing from 4 to midnight then grave from midnight to 8!

Go me.

The hardest part is after the kids go to bed. Now, I need to stay awake and check on the kids frequently. But I have plenty of time to do random little things throughout the night.

Here's what I did from 11 PM to 1 AM:

I watched Alice in Wonderland.

I painted my toe nails.

I started drinking some green tea.

I also did my job, you know doing the bed checks and everything.

From 1 AM to 1:35 AM

I watched Ghost Busters UNTIL

A girl got back from her home visit, then I went through her luggage to make sure there there is no contraband in her luggage.

We talked about how she missed her shuttle and got back late. Then I sent her to bed.

I then continued to watch ghostbusters.

At 2 AM

I played with carrots. And grapes. I made faces with the grapes and carrots.

Talked to a co worker, exchanged bed check times.

Checked on the girls and tripped over a purse.

Listened to a girl mumble in her sleep "He put his hand on her face."

And that's where I am now.

2:18. AM. I knew that 2-3 would be really rough for me.

I'm drinking Green Tea. With Raspberry. It's not as good as I had hoped.

I wish I was drinking tension tamer tea, on my couch at home listening to this american life as I relax for the day.

Thunderstorm.

Right after the lightening would light up the now darkened sky, thunder boomed across the valley while constantly the rain poured out in sheets to cover this dry desert.
As I walked through the most beautiful thunderstorm I've ever experienced here, a friend pulled over and offered me a ride. No thank you, is all I said with a smile and a small wave as I kept walking. They must have me confused for someone else. I wasn't walking because I had to. In fact, there wouldn't have been anywhere for them to drop me off. The only place I was going was where the rain led me.

As the rain drizzled to a stop, I'm not really sure what needed the rain more. The dried out desert, or this dried up water sign.

Sincerely, Your Financial Assistance Team

Dear ELIZABETH

Thank you for submitting your recent request for financial assistance. Based on our careful consideration of the information you provided, I am happy to inform you that Intermountain Healthcare will adjust $242.65 from the account(s) listed above, leaving a balance of $0.00.

Lack of Motivation

When you feel like a service rendered is not appreciated by anyone, it is hard to find any motivation to continue with this service.

Why do I even continue?

Hiking in the Rain

I went up to Cedar Breaks today. Allen was coming back through. It rained the entire time. Sometimes it would pour down on us, other times it would drizzle lightly, but the rain didn't stop. It was pretty awesome. We went for a bit of a hike, but nothing too major because of all the rain and the slipperiness of the trail made it impossible to move fast at all.

With all of the rain and the way the clouds were moving there would have been great photo opportunities, however, my camera was not ready for the rain, so the best I could do was snag this photo of us soaking wet as soon as we got in the car.

I think I'm going to go camping up there one night. Just to go camping up there. I have a lot to do before I leave Cedar. I need to hit up Bryce Canyon too. I only work Sunday. But there seems to be lots of little obligations that I need to adhere too throughout my week. Staff meeting here, rehearsal there, meeting a friend for lunch here doing a needs request for work there. Soon, my week is full of stuff. Weird.

I still need to get a second job so I can afford to move. Maybe, I won't even do that, maybe I'll just sell my car and be gone. I don't know what to do right now.

Perhaps I should stop trying to control everything and let the universe do what it needs to do so I can continue with my life.

An amusing conversation with my Mum.

Me

Mum

Can you call my phone?

21:28Helen

liz

21:28Me

I miss placed it.

21:30Helen

You what!!!

21:30Me

Please

21:30Helen

The park pass?

21:30Me

No, my phone.

i misplaced my phone

21:30Helen

You want me to call?

21:30Me

can you call my phone because i misplaced it

yes

so i can find it

21:30Helen

done

Ha ha ha ha ha!

She was worried I lost the National Park Pass that we bought. But this really was the whole conversation.

Ha ha ha ha... I don't know why so many random things are making me laugh today. But it's fun to laugh.

Satisfactory Hair Length

I really want long hair again. Full, think hair, like I had right when I graduated from high school. I mean look at this photo from when I was 18 and when I had long hair.

It wasn't layered it looked nice and thick, but not too thick. And it honestly didn't bother me. But every person I've gone to to get my hair cut in the last mmmmmm 4 years has thinned out my hair in addition to layering. And I don't want that. I want my thick hair. So that way it will look nice and healthy.

Also, from chopping all my hair off in January, it's slowly growing back and I am not a fan of the length that my hair is right now. So I would like to cut it to obtain a satisfactory hair length.

But then it would compromise my long term goal of once again having long thick healthy hair.

So what do I do? Should I be happy now, or in the future. Is their a away to be content right now with the awful length to later obtain my long term goal, and then I'll be truly happy.

Sigh.

Maybe this is a metaphor for several other things in my life right now. Maybe, it's not, and I'm just annoyed with my hair right now.

Too Many Accounts

I have too many random accounts lying around.

It got really confusing because I would have to log out of gmail to log into my blogger account to post something.

Or often times, I would post things on my private blog, that I wanted on my public blog and I wouldn't realize until after I posted. So, I invited myself to be an author on this account.

Isn't that silly?

Also, today I played in my river with Allen. He was just passing through on his way to St. George. And we played in the river together. It was lovely. I miss my close friends more than I think they know. Moving to Chicago will be tough, but, I will keep everyone in my heart. And plus, now people have a reason to go to Chicago.

Little Gem

I found this little gem at the Catholic Thrift Shop on Friday. It's pretty sweet. I wish I had the funds to snag this treasure.I'm sure it will go fast.

Panties, thongs, boxers, long johns, underthings, boyshorts, briefs, and unmentionables.

I'm your resident expert on underwear.
No really.
I'm not joking.
I am.
I got a phone call from a co-worker while I was at work yesterday.
She said "Hey, Lizzy, I was just wondering. Where in town can you buy some cute panties?"
At first I was taken off guard by the question.
But then I started to think. I do have about 30 different pairs of panties. All different, colors, patters, and types. And all of them are very cute. Living in a area where tons of people have gone through the LDS temple, and now wear garments, I realized I actually am one of the few people here who would know the best places in this small town to buy some sweet undies. By the way, the best place is Bealls.

You can come to me with all you underwear related questions. ;)

Lizzy was Busy

Yesterday started at 530 AM. I:

went for a run.
applied for a new job.
went to my current job.
made a 4 month plan to save $5000 and move.
met my new roommate.
ate dinner with my current roommate.
went for a walk.
went to otc rehearsal.
called my mum and talked to her.

game plan.

I couldn't sleep last night because of all these tangled thoughts inside my brain. Multiple times I had to release my jaw and remind myself to breathe. I almost felt stuck last night. I felt stuck in Utah, and I wouldn't be able to get out.

Then this morning, I got this email from one of the teachers I had in Chicago. His name is Dean. I kept asking him about places to go study mime and clown. He said this: You know what you want to do. The universe is waiting for you to stand up and do it.

I instantly started to cry. At first I had no clue why I was crying. As I was thinking about it, I started to understand. It's the truth. That is why I was crying. No one has ever told me anything like that before. But I feel like it's something that I inherently knew, but needed to be reminded.

My whole trip to Chicago was like a giant gift from the universe. The night I looked up the Second City's summer courses, I remember saying out loud "If I'm supposed to be in Chicago this summer, I'm going to need some help."

I applied for the scholarship at the Second City. Then I got it. My dear brother David sold me his airfare miles for $200 round trip. I asked a friend Chad if he knew of anyone I could stay with, and then these amazing strangers opened their homes to me and let me crash with them. Of the 21 days I was in Chicago, I had to pay for 4 nights to stay somewhere. It was perfect.

I want to continue to learn improv, I want to start to learn mime and clown. So, this is me standing up and doing it. I'm getting my affairs in order here in Cedar. I'm selling my car. I'm picking up a second job. I'm moving before my birthday in November. And I know the universe will have my back.

A new relationship is about to blossom. You will be blessed.

That is was my fortune from my cookie today.
It seems to imply that I will be blessed from a new relations.

I looked up a couple of different definitions to the word blessed.
They are:

1. bringing happiness and thankfulness

2. blissfully happy or contented.


I've been thinking about it a lot.

It seems to imply that I am not blessed being outside of a relationship?

That bothers me.

Lizzy 5 years ago would not be upset about that. Lizzy 5 years ago would have giggled and day dreamed about the possibilities of getting a husband.

Lizzy today is super pissed about it. Because the last few days I realized something.
I'm 22, almost 23 years old. I have just begun my life. I am not tied down by marriage. I am not tied down with children. Nothing is holding me still. So, I am going to go out and live the life that I want to live by myself. And guess what. I am perfect by myself. And I am pretty fucking blessed. And I don't need a relationship to show that.

Chris Bodily wrote a blog about me in Chicago.

Check it out here.
Also, for more blog entries and other fun stuff check out otccomedy.com.

I miss it all.

I miss Chicago.
I miss my classes.
I miss my classmates.
I miss staring into peoples eyes.
I miss being completely vulnerable.
I miss my teachers.
I miss being challenged.
I miss moments of silence.
I miss seeing shows.
I miss reading books on a train.
I miss walking home late at night.
I miss seeing lightening bugs.
I miss crying on the trains and seeing peoples reactions.
I miss feeling like I'm home.

It's funny. I've been to big cities. Berlin, New York City, L.A., Las Vegas, and I always enjoyed coming home. Always. I thought I wasn't a city girl.
Then I went to Chicago.
And everything I thought, was wrong. I really feel like it was home. I keep finding myself with tears in my eyes.
I want to be home.
I want to pursue my dreams. Theater is always a dream I suppressed because it wasn't practical. But now, I don't really care. It's what I want to do. I am going to do it.

Spoon Me.

Today, I did laundry.
As I was taking my clothes out of the washer, a spoon was in there among my clothes.
For the life of me, I don't know how it got there.
I thought I'd share.

Utah

I'm back in Utah.
At my parents house.
The current beings that currently live here are:
Dad. 57
Mom. 53
Crissy. Moved back in a year ago. 25
Kyle. Age 4. Crissy's son.
Hannah. 21. Never moved out.
Charla. 24. Moved back in in April. In Tennessee for about 20 more days.
John. 20's. Charla's husband. Still living here while Charla is away.
Oreo. 10 year old cat.
Sugar. Basset Hound. Mom's Dog.
Spice. Basset Hound. Dad's Dog
Zelda. Jack Russel Terrier Mix. Crissy's dog.
Icy. Australian Shepherd Charla's dog.

In a 5 bedroom house, that puts me on a bed set up in the family room at night.

I seem to be having a power struggle with Kyle. And he's 4. I feel like I should know better. But, I call for my Mom to help when he's being mean and not sharing. I should probably be the adult in the situation, but I just can't. I'm like a 4 year old with him. Let's take, for example, this morning. I was making banana and chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast. Kyle was dropping the chocolate chips in the pancakes as I poured them onto the pan. But then he started to eat them. I asked him not to. He kept eating them. I demanded him not to. And he kept eating them. I demanded he put the chocolate chips in my hand in 5 seconds. He still did not. My next option. "MOM! Kyle's being mean!" Meanwhile I burned the pancakes.
Later, when we were ready to eat the pancakes, he told me not to sit by him. So, I said fine. I went out to the front porch. And and while I was eating, a humming bird came and said hello. He didn't really SAY hello. But he came over, and got nectar from the flowers next to me. I like to imagine he said hello.

But, I got to do yoga this morning. And then went for a bike ride.

My body is craving the humidity.

The dry desert heat is taking a toll on me.

Horrible Sleep

Sleeping has always been a challenge for me. For whatever reason, my mind doesn't want to rest with the rest of my body.
I've had a lot on my mind, these last couple of days. I can't wait to get out of Utah before I even get back there. I feel like now that I've found a place to belong that I will stick out even more where I don't belong.

I lost my cell phone last night. It has got to be somewhere in my suitcase. I tried to find it. But in the end I went to bed at 2 in the morning, figuring I'll find it in the morning. And I also figured my body trained to wake up at 8, like it has been doing. I was right about that.

At 330 I woke up. I felt like I had just barely gotten to sleep. My nose hurt. A lot. I touched my nose only to discover I had ripped out my nose ring. Ew. That made it sound more disgusting that it actually was. I knocked the stud out while I was sleeping. But enough to agitated the hole and make it bleed a little. But I had to pull myself out of bed and find the ring, then shove it back in my nose. Ugh. I kept dropping it.

Then I couldn't get back to sleep, because the act of putting in my nose ring was just enough to wake me up.

Emotions!

I feel so emotional right now.

I can't seem to get any emotion under control.

I am sad, happy, mad, and confused.

I guess being confused isn't really an emotion. Or is it?

I don't know. My emotions are running wild.

I miss so many people.

I don't want to leave this beautiful place.

I finally went some place and within a matter of 3 days I felt "home" and I haven't felt that in ages.

I have a home, but this is where I feel like I really belong.

Is that weird and cheesy for me to say?

You know want to know what is absolutely nuts?

I think I saw someone's aura. Is that even how it is to be spelled? The energy around a humans body. I saw it. Nuts right? I'm effing crazy.

Chicago

I don't want to leave Chicago.
I know I had the intention to keep my blog updated my entire trip, but I've honestly been so busy, I totally forgot about my intention.

The typical day here for me starts at 7:30 AM. By about 7:45 I'm up out of bed and I've stopped mumbling the profanities that would show a stranger how much mornings and I do not get along. (And trust me, while I was in the hostel, strangers could figure it out)

My goal is to be out the door at 9. It's rare that it happens, but 9 is the goal. I make it to the Second City by 10. Work my ass off for a good 6 hours, (and I take a 1 hour break in the middle for lunch.)
After classes I have to rush. Why? Because I want to see as many shows as humanly possible while I am here. And also, I would love to visit with people that are here. Meeting old friends hanging with new friends.
I possibly go home to change/shower. I want to look presentable, especially after the physical comedy class.
So I've got 20 minutes tops to get ready, then I'm off again to shows or events or whatever. And I usually don't get in until round abouts midnight-1. The latest was 1:30. Earliest was 10.

It is so beautiful here.

I've noticed the damnedest thing here...men flirt with me. It's not like in Utah, where I'm already past the marrying age so I can settle down and be a good wife.

I'm learning so much. I don't want to leave. I keep crying when I think about going back. But I cry when I think about leaving everyone I love.

Sigh.

SLC Airport

I'm at the airport. It was really funny when I got here. My mom had both of my bags, and I was juggling my carry ons and was on the phone with my sister. I started down the escalator, and I think I hear my mom say hang on. I look up and she's still at the top and I am in the middle and she kind of threw my duffel bag in the large gap between us and said "Get it Lizzy." It was a little bit of awesome.

My plane to Chicago takes off in 40 minutes!

I can't wait!

I'll post photos on this blog when I get some chances. And if I feel super inspired about my improv journey, I will keep it updated here.