Thunderstorm.

Right after the lightening would light up the now darkened sky, thunder boomed across the valley while constantly the rain poured out in sheets to cover this dry desert.
As I walked through the most beautiful thunderstorm I've ever experienced here, a friend pulled over and offered me a ride. No thank you, is all I said with a smile and a small wave as I kept walking. They must have me confused for someone else. I wasn't walking because I had to. In fact, there wouldn't have been anywhere for them to drop me off. The only place I was going was where the rain led me.

As the rain drizzled to a stop, I'm not really sure what needed the rain more. The dried out desert, or this dried up water sign.

Sincerely, Your Financial Assistance Team

Dear ELIZABETH

Thank you for submitting your recent request for financial assistance. Based on our careful consideration of the information you provided, I am happy to inform you that Intermountain Healthcare will adjust $242.65 from the account(s) listed above, leaving a balance of $0.00.

Lack of Motivation

When you feel like a service rendered is not appreciated by anyone, it is hard to find any motivation to continue with this service.

Why do I even continue?

Hiking in the Rain

I went up to Cedar Breaks today. Allen was coming back through. It rained the entire time. Sometimes it would pour down on us, other times it would drizzle lightly, but the rain didn't stop. It was pretty awesome. We went for a bit of a hike, but nothing too major because of all the rain and the slipperiness of the trail made it impossible to move fast at all.

With all of the rain and the way the clouds were moving there would have been great photo opportunities, however, my camera was not ready for the rain, so the best I could do was snag this photo of us soaking wet as soon as we got in the car.

I think I'm going to go camping up there one night. Just to go camping up there. I have a lot to do before I leave Cedar. I need to hit up Bryce Canyon too. I only work Sunday. But there seems to be lots of little obligations that I need to adhere too throughout my week. Staff meeting here, rehearsal there, meeting a friend for lunch here doing a needs request for work there. Soon, my week is full of stuff. Weird.

I still need to get a second job so I can afford to move. Maybe, I won't even do that, maybe I'll just sell my car and be gone. I don't know what to do right now.

Perhaps I should stop trying to control everything and let the universe do what it needs to do so I can continue with my life.

An amusing conversation with my Mum.

Me

Mum

Can you call my phone?

21:28Helen

liz

21:28Me

I miss placed it.

21:30Helen

You what!!!

21:30Me

Please

21:30Helen

The park pass?

21:30Me

No, my phone.

i misplaced my phone

21:30Helen

You want me to call?

21:30Me

can you call my phone because i misplaced it

yes

so i can find it

21:30Helen

done

Ha ha ha ha ha!

She was worried I lost the National Park Pass that we bought. But this really was the whole conversation.

Ha ha ha ha... I don't know why so many random things are making me laugh today. But it's fun to laugh.

Satisfactory Hair Length

I really want long hair again. Full, think hair, like I had right when I graduated from high school. I mean look at this photo from when I was 18 and when I had long hair.

It wasn't layered it looked nice and thick, but not too thick. And it honestly didn't bother me. But every person I've gone to to get my hair cut in the last mmmmmm 4 years has thinned out my hair in addition to layering. And I don't want that. I want my thick hair. So that way it will look nice and healthy.

Also, from chopping all my hair off in January, it's slowly growing back and I am not a fan of the length that my hair is right now. So I would like to cut it to obtain a satisfactory hair length.

But then it would compromise my long term goal of once again having long thick healthy hair.

So what do I do? Should I be happy now, or in the future. Is their a away to be content right now with the awful length to later obtain my long term goal, and then I'll be truly happy.

Sigh.

Maybe this is a metaphor for several other things in my life right now. Maybe, it's not, and I'm just annoyed with my hair right now.

Too Many Accounts

I have too many random accounts lying around.

It got really confusing because I would have to log out of gmail to log into my blogger account to post something.

Or often times, I would post things on my private blog, that I wanted on my public blog and I wouldn't realize until after I posted. So, I invited myself to be an author on this account.

Isn't that silly?

Also, today I played in my river with Allen. He was just passing through on his way to St. George. And we played in the river together. It was lovely. I miss my close friends more than I think they know. Moving to Chicago will be tough, but, I will keep everyone in my heart. And plus, now people have a reason to go to Chicago.

Little Gem

I found this little gem at the Catholic Thrift Shop on Friday. It's pretty sweet. I wish I had the funds to snag this treasure.I'm sure it will go fast.

Panties, thongs, boxers, long johns, underthings, boyshorts, briefs, and unmentionables.

I'm your resident expert on underwear.
No really.
I'm not joking.
I am.
I got a phone call from a co-worker while I was at work yesterday.
She said "Hey, Lizzy, I was just wondering. Where in town can you buy some cute panties?"
At first I was taken off guard by the question.
But then I started to think. I do have about 30 different pairs of panties. All different, colors, patters, and types. And all of them are very cute. Living in a area where tons of people have gone through the LDS temple, and now wear garments, I realized I actually am one of the few people here who would know the best places in this small town to buy some sweet undies. By the way, the best place is Bealls.

You can come to me with all you underwear related questions. ;)

Lizzy was Busy

Yesterday started at 530 AM. I:

went for a run.
applied for a new job.
went to my current job.
made a 4 month plan to save $5000 and move.
met my new roommate.
ate dinner with my current roommate.
went for a walk.
went to otc rehearsal.
called my mum and talked to her.

game plan.

I couldn't sleep last night because of all these tangled thoughts inside my brain. Multiple times I had to release my jaw and remind myself to breathe. I almost felt stuck last night. I felt stuck in Utah, and I wouldn't be able to get out.

Then this morning, I got this email from one of the teachers I had in Chicago. His name is Dean. I kept asking him about places to go study mime and clown. He said this: You know what you want to do. The universe is waiting for you to stand up and do it.

I instantly started to cry. At first I had no clue why I was crying. As I was thinking about it, I started to understand. It's the truth. That is why I was crying. No one has ever told me anything like that before. But I feel like it's something that I inherently knew, but needed to be reminded.

My whole trip to Chicago was like a giant gift from the universe. The night I looked up the Second City's summer courses, I remember saying out loud "If I'm supposed to be in Chicago this summer, I'm going to need some help."

I applied for the scholarship at the Second City. Then I got it. My dear brother David sold me his airfare miles for $200 round trip. I asked a friend Chad if he knew of anyone I could stay with, and then these amazing strangers opened their homes to me and let me crash with them. Of the 21 days I was in Chicago, I had to pay for 4 nights to stay somewhere. It was perfect.

I want to continue to learn improv, I want to start to learn mime and clown. So, this is me standing up and doing it. I'm getting my affairs in order here in Cedar. I'm selling my car. I'm picking up a second job. I'm moving before my birthday in November. And I know the universe will have my back.

A new relationship is about to blossom. You will be blessed.

That is was my fortune from my cookie today.
It seems to imply that I will be blessed from a new relations.

I looked up a couple of different definitions to the word blessed.
They are:

1. bringing happiness and thankfulness

2. blissfully happy or contented.


I've been thinking about it a lot.

It seems to imply that I am not blessed being outside of a relationship?

That bothers me.

Lizzy 5 years ago would not be upset about that. Lizzy 5 years ago would have giggled and day dreamed about the possibilities of getting a husband.

Lizzy today is super pissed about it. Because the last few days I realized something.
I'm 22, almost 23 years old. I have just begun my life. I am not tied down by marriage. I am not tied down with children. Nothing is holding me still. So, I am going to go out and live the life that I want to live by myself. And guess what. I am perfect by myself. And I am pretty fucking blessed. And I don't need a relationship to show that.

Chris Bodily wrote a blog about me in Chicago.

Check it out here.
Also, for more blog entries and other fun stuff check out otccomedy.com.

I miss it all.

I miss Chicago.
I miss my classes.
I miss my classmates.
I miss staring into peoples eyes.
I miss being completely vulnerable.
I miss my teachers.
I miss being challenged.
I miss moments of silence.
I miss seeing shows.
I miss reading books on a train.
I miss walking home late at night.
I miss seeing lightening bugs.
I miss crying on the trains and seeing peoples reactions.
I miss feeling like I'm home.

It's funny. I've been to big cities. Berlin, New York City, L.A., Las Vegas, and I always enjoyed coming home. Always. I thought I wasn't a city girl.
Then I went to Chicago.
And everything I thought, was wrong. I really feel like it was home. I keep finding myself with tears in my eyes.
I want to be home.
I want to pursue my dreams. Theater is always a dream I suppressed because it wasn't practical. But now, I don't really care. It's what I want to do. I am going to do it.

Spoon Me.

Today, I did laundry.
As I was taking my clothes out of the washer, a spoon was in there among my clothes.
For the life of me, I don't know how it got there.
I thought I'd share.

Utah

I'm back in Utah.
At my parents house.
The current beings that currently live here are:
Dad. 57
Mom. 53
Crissy. Moved back in a year ago. 25
Kyle. Age 4. Crissy's son.
Hannah. 21. Never moved out.
Charla. 24. Moved back in in April. In Tennessee for about 20 more days.
John. 20's. Charla's husband. Still living here while Charla is away.
Oreo. 10 year old cat.
Sugar. Basset Hound. Mom's Dog.
Spice. Basset Hound. Dad's Dog
Zelda. Jack Russel Terrier Mix. Crissy's dog.
Icy. Australian Shepherd Charla's dog.

In a 5 bedroom house, that puts me on a bed set up in the family room at night.

I seem to be having a power struggle with Kyle. And he's 4. I feel like I should know better. But, I call for my Mom to help when he's being mean and not sharing. I should probably be the adult in the situation, but I just can't. I'm like a 4 year old with him. Let's take, for example, this morning. I was making banana and chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast. Kyle was dropping the chocolate chips in the pancakes as I poured them onto the pan. But then he started to eat them. I asked him not to. He kept eating them. I demanded him not to. And he kept eating them. I demanded he put the chocolate chips in my hand in 5 seconds. He still did not. My next option. "MOM! Kyle's being mean!" Meanwhile I burned the pancakes.
Later, when we were ready to eat the pancakes, he told me not to sit by him. So, I said fine. I went out to the front porch. And and while I was eating, a humming bird came and said hello. He didn't really SAY hello. But he came over, and got nectar from the flowers next to me. I like to imagine he said hello.

But, I got to do yoga this morning. And then went for a bike ride.

My body is craving the humidity.

The dry desert heat is taking a toll on me.

Horrible Sleep

Sleeping has always been a challenge for me. For whatever reason, my mind doesn't want to rest with the rest of my body.
I've had a lot on my mind, these last couple of days. I can't wait to get out of Utah before I even get back there. I feel like now that I've found a place to belong that I will stick out even more where I don't belong.

I lost my cell phone last night. It has got to be somewhere in my suitcase. I tried to find it. But in the end I went to bed at 2 in the morning, figuring I'll find it in the morning. And I also figured my body trained to wake up at 8, like it has been doing. I was right about that.

At 330 I woke up. I felt like I had just barely gotten to sleep. My nose hurt. A lot. I touched my nose only to discover I had ripped out my nose ring. Ew. That made it sound more disgusting that it actually was. I knocked the stud out while I was sleeping. But enough to agitated the hole and make it bleed a little. But I had to pull myself out of bed and find the ring, then shove it back in my nose. Ugh. I kept dropping it.

Then I couldn't get back to sleep, because the act of putting in my nose ring was just enough to wake me up.

Emotions!

I feel so emotional right now.

I can't seem to get any emotion under control.

I am sad, happy, mad, and confused.

I guess being confused isn't really an emotion. Or is it?

I don't know. My emotions are running wild.

I miss so many people.

I don't want to leave this beautiful place.

I finally went some place and within a matter of 3 days I felt "home" and I haven't felt that in ages.

I have a home, but this is where I feel like I really belong.

Is that weird and cheesy for me to say?

You know want to know what is absolutely nuts?

I think I saw someone's aura. Is that even how it is to be spelled? The energy around a humans body. I saw it. Nuts right? I'm effing crazy.

Chicago

I don't want to leave Chicago.
I know I had the intention to keep my blog updated my entire trip, but I've honestly been so busy, I totally forgot about my intention.

The typical day here for me starts at 7:30 AM. By about 7:45 I'm up out of bed and I've stopped mumbling the profanities that would show a stranger how much mornings and I do not get along. (And trust me, while I was in the hostel, strangers could figure it out)

My goal is to be out the door at 9. It's rare that it happens, but 9 is the goal. I make it to the Second City by 10. Work my ass off for a good 6 hours, (and I take a 1 hour break in the middle for lunch.)
After classes I have to rush. Why? Because I want to see as many shows as humanly possible while I am here. And also, I would love to visit with people that are here. Meeting old friends hanging with new friends.
I possibly go home to change/shower. I want to look presentable, especially after the physical comedy class.
So I've got 20 minutes tops to get ready, then I'm off again to shows or events or whatever. And I usually don't get in until round abouts midnight-1. The latest was 1:30. Earliest was 10.

It is so beautiful here.

I've noticed the damnedest thing here...men flirt with me. It's not like in Utah, where I'm already past the marrying age so I can settle down and be a good wife.

I'm learning so much. I don't want to leave. I keep crying when I think about going back. But I cry when I think about leaving everyone I love.

Sigh.