The weather impacts my body.
Low pressure weather most definitely bothers it.
My whole body feels like an old creaky door that is super heavy and doesn't want to be opened.
So I've been lounging around a lot. It's a lot harder to work out when my body feels like this. I don't like it. It's actually a lot harder to do almost everything when my body feels like this.
I woke up at noon today, to a thunderstorm.
It made me sigh. I don't really want another day with rain and it to be overcast. I need a beautiful sunshiney day where I hear birds singing and I go for an awesome walk somewhere.
But I can't let my body stay still, I have to get out and move.
What really frustrates me is I don't know why my body aches like this. I feel like it could be a very real possibility that I have fibromyalgia but when I was talking to my doctor about it, he didn't want to give me the diagnosis because it's not something he believes in because some of the medical world still thinks that women are making up this pain, which is just stupid because as a person feeling this pain, but who is an other wise healthy female, this pain is real. And it hurts to the point of tears.
But whatever.
I just feel like shit, and have no reason to.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
my life as a nanny
I realized on my walk to school to drop off Olivia today, that I spend 8 hours of my day talking to two children that either can't talk or is still learning how to talk.
After I put the baby to sleep, I was walking down the stairs and I said "Daphne, are you staying out of trouble" And she said "Yes." And then I said "Really? then she said "No, actually."
And as I turn the corner, I see she's gotten herself stuck in her baby sisters car seat, and managed to buckle part of herself in the seat.
It made me laugh.
After I put the baby to sleep, I was walking down the stairs and I said "Daphne, are you staying out of trouble" And she said "Yes." And then I said "Really? then she said "No, actually."
And as I turn the corner, I see she's gotten herself stuck in her baby sisters car seat, and managed to buckle part of herself in the seat.
It made me laugh.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
My hair had a rough weekend
I just looked at a picture of my hair, before Thursday, and I started to cry.
I dyed it, and wasted time and money by putting all sorts of chemicals in it for literally NOTHING to have changed. My hair is the EXACT same color.
Also, I got it cut way too short. I was really excited that my hair was long again, and the guy didn't listen to me at all, because I said I don't like layers and I want a little trim and I don't want my bangs cut at all because I'm trying to grow them out and now I've got ugly layers and it's ugly and short again and I hate it so much. And there is nothing I can do about it but wait for it to grow again and that makes me really really really REALLY upset!
I dyed it, and wasted time and money by putting all sorts of chemicals in it for literally NOTHING to have changed. My hair is the EXACT same color.
Also, I got it cut way too short. I was really excited that my hair was long again, and the guy didn't listen to me at all, because I said I don't like layers and I want a little trim and I don't want my bangs cut at all because I'm trying to grow them out and now I've got ugly layers and it's ugly and short again and I hate it so much. And there is nothing I can do about it but wait for it to grow again and that makes me really really really REALLY upset!
Monday, May 16, 2011
Weird fear #11
I am scared that because I have long hair, that I might accidentally strangle myself in my sleep.
...
I'm not joking.
I'm being serious.
Like, my hair, there is a lot of it.
And I move around in my sleep. A lot. And I wake up and it's going in every direction. What is to stop it from wrapping around my neck and getting stuck under arm or something and then me moving just a little more and I slowly get strangled by myself?
Is this just another weird Lizzy thing, or do other people with long hair fear this?
...
I'm not joking.
I'm being serious.
Like, my hair, there is a lot of it.
And I move around in my sleep. A lot. And I wake up and it's going in every direction. What is to stop it from wrapping around my neck and getting stuck under arm or something and then me moving just a little more and I slowly get strangled by myself?
Is this just another weird Lizzy thing, or do other people with long hair fear this?
Saturday, May 14, 2011
has a potty mouth when she first wakes up in the morning
the very first thing I said this morning when I awoke was "shit." Then I fumbled for my cell phone to check the time which was followed by a loud "FUCK!"
Yeah. today is the first day that I have slept through something I really actually wanted to do.
So dammit.
That really sucks.
Yeah. today is the first day that I have slept through something I really actually wanted to do.
So dammit.
That really sucks.
Monday, May 9, 2011
laughing my day away
Several funny things happened to me today.
I will share a couple.
When Melissa got home from work (which is when I get off work, because I'm a nanny and all) she was asking her girls a question "Which one of you is always biting the erasers off of the pencils?" Daphne, the two year old said. "Oh. It's me. I do that." She sighed and looked over at me. "And Wizzy too."
Then I was talking about how fun the clown revue was with the pie fight afterwards, and I said "Yeah, I couldn't seem to get all the shaving cream smell out of my hair"
Olivia, the six year old, climbs up on the chair next to me, grabs my hair smells it. Then "Oh yeah. Still smelly!"
I don't know why I thought those things were funny. They just are.
I know sometimes, I post sad blogs when I'm feeling sad. But I feel like my overall well being has improved. Even though yesterday ended in tears, so many cool things happened in the day. And I think partly it was because I was so tired. But partly because I feel like I'm a bad person for lying. Twice. But overall, it was awesome. I got to dress up as a clown and give away flowers. People laughed and it was fantastic. :)
I know that there are ups and downs in life, and I'm ok with that. I guess I don't want to concern anyone. And I don't need to talk to anyone about my problems, because I'll probably just lie about them so people don't think I'm a bad person or something stupid like that. If I DO need to talk, I'll probably call you. So just wait for me to take that step and don't try and swoop in and save me. I'm just writing to see if I personally can get a better grip on my emotions.
but today, i feel much better, and can laugh.
I will share a couple.
When Melissa got home from work (which is when I get off work, because I'm a nanny and all) she was asking her girls a question "Which one of you is always biting the erasers off of the pencils?" Daphne, the two year old said. "Oh. It's me. I do that." She sighed and looked over at me. "And Wizzy too."
Then I was talking about how fun the clown revue was with the pie fight afterwards, and I said "Yeah, I couldn't seem to get all the shaving cream smell out of my hair"
Olivia, the six year old, climbs up on the chair next to me, grabs my hair smells it. Then "Oh yeah. Still smelly!"
I don't know why I thought those things were funny. They just are.
I know sometimes, I post sad blogs when I'm feeling sad. But I feel like my overall well being has improved. Even though yesterday ended in tears, so many cool things happened in the day. And I think partly it was because I was so tired. But partly because I feel like I'm a bad person for lying. Twice. But overall, it was awesome. I got to dress up as a clown and give away flowers. People laughed and it was fantastic. :)
I know that there are ups and downs in life, and I'm ok with that. I guess I don't want to concern anyone. And I don't need to talk to anyone about my problems, because I'll probably just lie about them so people don't think I'm a bad person or something stupid like that. If I DO need to talk, I'll probably call you. So just wait for me to take that step and don't try and swoop in and save me. I'm just writing to see if I personally can get a better grip on my emotions.
but today, i feel much better, and can laugh.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
as i cry
i cry thinking that tears are no good.
it's strange.
i feel like a liar.
i used stand on my little soap box saying that tears are good. i would give this whole speech about it will really help you feel your emotions. and how it heals these emotional wounds we have. and once we really feel this pain we've been carrying around, only then can it heal. and crying is one of those ways that we feel pain. so it's really good just to cry. a good cry every now and then is just what you need.
i'm am full of shit.
i don't know why i said all that.
i don't know why i thought others would believe it.
i just wish this thing never happened with a person that i love. because my heart just hurts every day when i think about what was done. what was said. and what still is being said. i don't want this to be hurtful any more. i want this person to know that i still love them. i want this person to forgive me. but this person doesn't even talk to me.
but as i sit here crying, i just think about how full of shit i am, because i don't feel better. and i can't even come up with a solution to my problem.
it's strange.
i feel like a liar.
i used stand on my little soap box saying that tears are good. i would give this whole speech about it will really help you feel your emotions. and how it heals these emotional wounds we have. and once we really feel this pain we've been carrying around, only then can it heal. and crying is one of those ways that we feel pain. so it's really good just to cry. a good cry every now and then is just what you need.
i'm am full of shit.
i don't know why i said all that.
i don't know why i thought others would believe it.
i just wish this thing never happened with a person that i love. because my heart just hurts every day when i think about what was done. what was said. and what still is being said. i don't want this to be hurtful any more. i want this person to know that i still love them. i want this person to forgive me. but this person doesn't even talk to me.
but as i sit here crying, i just think about how full of shit i am, because i don't feel better. and i can't even come up with a solution to my problem.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
glitter in your eye is a bitch!
And you better believe that I will say every cuss word I know until it stopped the glitter got out.
It was an accident. Getting the glitter in my eye. I didn't do it on purpose. I thought I should clear that up, just in case anyone was wondering.
The reason that I got it in my eye was because I was trying on different ways to do my make up for the clown revue tomorrow night!
I'm excited for it. I'll be performing in a weird way. I'm making flowers before the show. And giving them to them.
I'm a little nervous. Because of my whole social anxiety thing. But, I won't let it stop me, dammit.
The girls I watch really like the roses. Olivia keeps giving them away, and Daphne carries them around and squishes them. So I keep making more of them.
That is all I have to say.
It was an accident. Getting the glitter in my eye. I didn't do it on purpose. I thought I should clear that up, just in case anyone was wondering.
The reason that I got it in my eye was because I was trying on different ways to do my make up for the clown revue tomorrow night!
I'm excited for it. I'll be performing in a weird way. I'm making flowers before the show. And giving them to them.
I'm a little nervous. Because of my whole social anxiety thing. But, I won't let it stop me, dammit.
The girls I watch really like the roses. Olivia keeps giving them away, and Daphne carries them around and squishes them. So I keep making more of them.
That is all I have to say.
there was a guy at target...
I was grumpy when I was at target, because the woman told me that they had no skirts. And I asked "at all?" and she, in her thick accent repeated herself "no skirts"
Every time I passed a skirt, I thought, I should pull her over here and ask her what this is. Just to be a bitch. I understand it's the end of the week, but you don't have to be a jerk to me, and tell me that all of target has no fucking skirts. Really? Whore.
I found some black shorts I liked better than a skirt, and I went to check out. I was talking to the guy, and I asked him how he was doing, and he asked me how I was and I said "honestly, I'm a little stress" and I started telling him how I'm getting nervous for this clown revue on sunday night. He told me that he couldn't relate, but he's really stressed because of finals. And I told him that I don't miss finals week AT ALL in college. And it was a fun little flirty thing. By the was, I've got 3 items to scan while we're talking. So we were literally just standing there talking.
And then I invited him to the clown revue. I told him it would be a good break from finals and that it would be really funny.
It was weird. I wonder who exactly I am, going from barely being able to talk to men I like, to flirting with this random guy at target. It just feels really uncharacteristic of me. So yeah.
Every time I passed a skirt, I thought, I should pull her over here and ask her what this is. Just to be a bitch. I understand it's the end of the week, but you don't have to be a jerk to me, and tell me that all of target has no fucking skirts. Really? Whore.
I found some black shorts I liked better than a skirt, and I went to check out. I was talking to the guy, and I asked him how he was doing, and he asked me how I was and I said "honestly, I'm a little stress" and I started telling him how I'm getting nervous for this clown revue on sunday night. He told me that he couldn't relate, but he's really stressed because of finals. And I told him that I don't miss finals week AT ALL in college. And it was a fun little flirty thing. By the was, I've got 3 items to scan while we're talking. So we were literally just standing there talking.
And then I invited him to the clown revue. I told him it would be a good break from finals and that it would be really funny.
It was weird. I wonder who exactly I am, going from barely being able to talk to men I like, to flirting with this random guy at target. It just feels really uncharacteristic of me. So yeah.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Where did that hour go?
I've been really confused as to why I wasn't able to walk from my house to the Second City in an hour.
Like, it made no sense to me how this walk that I've gone on before, suddenly was taking me a lot longer.
Then I started realizing the "hour" that I had.
Class started at 7. I wanted to be there at 6:50 to change my clothes. So there my hour was is now 50 minutes.
Then I kept running back in when I realized I forgot things, like, my water bottle, and stuff. So, I wasn't actually out of my house and walking until 6:10. And I can verify this because I called my sister once I left, and my phone says 6:10. So then the hour I planned shrunk again to 40 minutes.
And for the 10 minutes I was talking to her I was walking at quiet the leisurely pace because I was chatting with my sister and wasn't paying attention. Now I understand why from 6:20 to 6:50 I was briskly walking. And by briskly it, may have been a light jog at some points.
Like, it made no sense to me how this walk that I've gone on before, suddenly was taking me a lot longer.
Then I started realizing the "hour" that I had.
Class started at 7. I wanted to be there at 6:50 to change my clothes. So there my hour was is now 50 minutes.
Then I kept running back in when I realized I forgot things, like, my water bottle, and stuff. So, I wasn't actually out of my house and walking until 6:10. And I can verify this because I called my sister once I left, and my phone says 6:10. So then the hour I planned shrunk again to 40 minutes.
And for the 10 minutes I was talking to her I was walking at quiet the leisurely pace because I was chatting with my sister and wasn't paying attention. Now I understand why from 6:20 to 6:50 I was briskly walking. And by briskly it, may have been a light jog at some points.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Peanut Butter
My friend Julie and her sister made this for 7 day shorts at the second city.
It totally rocks! Check it out!
Julie's Video on YouTube
It totally rocks! Check it out!
Julie's Video on YouTube
Sunday, May 1, 2011
neon lizzy
I've assembled a lot of neon clothes for my clown costume.
Daphne, the girl I watch, is scared of me when I'm wearing all those brightly colored clothes. I don't blame her.
I feel naked when I wear those clothes. But not like because they're immodest or anything, but it just draws more attention to me. . . and that's not my favorite thing. . .
here is neon lizzy. she's weird.
Daphne, the girl I watch, is scared of me when I'm wearing all those brightly colored clothes. I don't blame her.
I feel naked when I wear those clothes. But not like because they're immodest or anything, but it just draws more attention to me. . . and that's not my favorite thing. . .
here is neon lizzy. she's weird.
MAY 1!
Today is now May 1! Whoa! I can't believe that this will be my 5th month living in Chicago.
Weird.
But, it is such a beautiful night tonight.
I wonder what it would be like if I had a motorcycle to ride...
But, yes, so beautiful.
I was debating on if I should go for a walk or not. But I decided against it. I mean, I already took my bra off, and I don't want to put it back on. And I don't want to get raped and I misplaced my pepper spray. And if I walk too far (like I usually do) the bus by my place doesn't run this late so I wouldn't be able to get back to my house easily for cheap.
Anyway.
I want to get some water. But I misplaced my water bottle. Bummer. I mean, I could get a cup, but if it's anywhere within a 10 foot radius around my bed, it will get knocked over, and it will start cussing because of how annoying it is that I can't seem to be able to get a drink of water when I'm thirsty at night without making a huge mess. The water bottle prevents that from happening. Really, it's like a sippy cup. I mean, I use it mostly to prevent messes from happening. Like you do when you give a child a sippy cup.
Anyway, now that I've compared my ability to drink water from a cup to that of a young child, I'm probably going to sleep. It is almost 3 and all.
Oh.
And by the way. Today was fun.
I painted the nails at Olivia's spa parties. For some reason kids love me, and they will talk to me all day about everything.
Then, I went on a walk with Stephanie, and it was fun.
And then I saw the varity show at Prop thtr. That was super cool too.
So yeah. super cool fun day.
Weird.
But, it is such a beautiful night tonight.
I wonder what it would be like if I had a motorcycle to ride...
But, yes, so beautiful.
I was debating on if I should go for a walk or not. But I decided against it. I mean, I already took my bra off, and I don't want to put it back on. And I don't want to get raped and I misplaced my pepper spray. And if I walk too far (like I usually do) the bus by my place doesn't run this late so I wouldn't be able to get back to my house easily for cheap.
Anyway.
I want to get some water. But I misplaced my water bottle. Bummer. I mean, I could get a cup, but if it's anywhere within a 10 foot radius around my bed, it will get knocked over, and it will start cussing because of how annoying it is that I can't seem to be able to get a drink of water when I'm thirsty at night without making a huge mess. The water bottle prevents that from happening. Really, it's like a sippy cup. I mean, I use it mostly to prevent messes from happening. Like you do when you give a child a sippy cup.
Anyway, now that I've compared my ability to drink water from a cup to that of a young child, I'm probably going to sleep. It is almost 3 and all.
Oh.
And by the way. Today was fun.
I painted the nails at Olivia's spa parties. For some reason kids love me, and they will talk to me all day about everything.
Then, I went on a walk with Stephanie, and it was fun.
And then I saw the varity show at Prop thtr. That was super cool too.
So yeah. super cool fun day.
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