Changing the World

I have been wondering if one person can change the world.

I try to help the world.

I have done little things. I stopped eating meat, and I started to recycle paper and plastic products that I use. I never buy bottles of water, and I only use my reusable bottles. I use only reusable grocery bags. I don't drive to work. But is that making a difference?

I just don't think it's that much. Because even though I stopped eating meat, there are still people out there that grill up 6 steaks every other night, then eat two, and throw away the rest. (like my old roommate)

Even though I walk to work, it isn't significant enough to make a difference. It's like I live three minutes away (walking time) from my work, so what if I am not spending 10 seconds extra in my car a day. It doesn't seem like it matters.

I just don't feel like it matters. But I want it to matter. I want these simple things I do to change the world.

But can simple things change the world?

Robert Mosier

My uncle Bob passed away today.
He had cancer.
Even though he had it, and it was sort of expected, it didn't make it any easier this morning when I found out.
I didn't want to believe that it had happened. I just sort of said "Okay" to my dad when he told me. I got off the phone there for a minute and just lied in bed. Then I took off and ran out of my room. I made it to my landing and just laid there and I cried. Then I moved upstairs and laid there and cried. And I continued to move around the house and just sob.
Uncle Bob was one of the best people that I have known in my life.
He had such a strong spirit, I just wish that his body would have matched that.
He was really a wonderful man. And I feel honored to have known him. I wish that I would have said more to him in while he was here.
I just got home, and I got out of my car and looked up in the sky, and I felt totally at peace. Seeing all the stars. For a minute I just felt like I had an arm around me holding onto me and comforting me.

My lips are sealed.

I feel like a know a lot of things.
But I just CAN'T tell people.
It's sort of eating me up inside. I cannot tell you how frustrating it is when I know something BIG but i just cannot tell you, or anyone else.
Bleeeehhhhh
I can't say more than that.
This blog has been vague.
Yours truly,
Lizzy

Things that won't let my head rest at night.

So we're already 12 days into the new year. Woohoo.
This year I'm going to turn 22. When I started college, my perspective date of graduation was in 2010. That is pretty much next year. There is NO way that could happen. I don't even know what I want to go into anymore.
Honestly that thought alone terrifies me. I always had a goal. I always knew what I would do. There was no doubt in my mind that I was going to be a teacher. First I wanted to teach Elementary School. Then when I started to substitute teach and realized I couldn't handle the neediness of elementary children. Then I landed a long term job in a junior high school. I really enjoyed it, but there is too much drama. There is too much bitching and moaning. There is too much of a headache. Teachers are not exempt from this problem. INFACT they are the main source of the bitching and moaning. I can't do that. I can't be in such a negative atmosphere.
It really gets to you after a while. The constant negativity weighing down on your shoulders. At least that is where I feel it.
I still thought I wanted to teach. So I took an education class when I got to SUU. It was like an epiphany. I knew for sure I didn't want to teach. I felt great! It was freeing! Woooo! I wasn't going to be a teacher.
Then suddenly...
The reality of having no direction sank in.
It's so scary. I've never felt like this before.
I don't know what to do.
...
Things will always work out.
I just need to figure it out. But it's scary.